"Parent" is a verb

This is Part Two in a series in which I'm taking off the Consultant’s hat off for a bit in order to let the Parent’s hat show through. Being a dad of four, it is ground I’ve covered for several years, though with no shortage of shortcomings and mistakes.   As a school leader, I’ve been around even more of what comes with helping kids grow up. Here at Christmas, I’ve brought my own experience in more than usual, and that experience includes spiritual dimensions which are an important part of my own reality. I hope these posts may be of some interest, and perhaps a slight bit of help. {Part One} {Part Three} {Part Four} {Part Five}

Sure, “parent” is a noun, and also an adjective, but good parenting calls us often to remember that “parent” is a verb, and not a passive one at that.

As parents, we know it’s not a popularity contest, yet it can sure be difficult sometimes to know the ire our children may show us if we actively parent, limit, direct and discipline them – to know that ire and keep our resolve to act in loving discipline. Take heart that this discipline, when pursued in gentle care, will bring confident love and secure peace in our children.

Discipline in relationship and intimate knowledge of our kids; otherwise, we are likely to exasperate and embitter them. But, taking these cautions to heart, we are still supposed to discipline. Expect them to be unhappy about it fairly often. Accept that you won’t do it perfectly or make every decision with the wisdom of Solomon. Get the good counsel of other parents who’ve been there and who are there, but don’t be sucked into replacing parental judgment with opinion surveys.

While always being loving and always listening, be prepared to be intrusive and controlling, too. Make decisions about TV and music and media usage. Stick by them while also being willing to learn and adapt over time as your child grows. When it comes to cell phones and texting and Facebook and all sorts of connection, our children need teaching from and time with their parents so much more than they need any technology.   Help children to understand and come to own decisions in these areas, but be willing to be the bad guy who places the limit in the first place.

What will homework and chores be like at your house? When, where and with whom will your children be allowed to “hang out?” Is dating a given or a decision?

In closing, please remember that active parenting is not mainly about the don’ts. It is the do’s of love and time and play and affection and joy and reading and serving and laughing and exploring and learning and teaching. But, if you’re not willing to stand up for the limits of don’ts, then don’t expect there to be time or relationship available to enjoy the do’s.