Christian schools and the book of rules

{Read part one in the series.}

I have a perspective on school leadership to share which has direct application to parenting as well. I’ve been blessed by 25 years of experiences leading Christian schools, and have been able to meet and learn from many, many extraordinary school leaders. I see tens and hundreds of ways to pursue similar objectives, and find value in the variety of gifting and perspective the Lord has given to His body to accomplish His work.

There are times, though, when I find another committed, experienced believing leader going at things in ways I just can’t affirm. Infallibility isn’t something any of us can claim, and I know others find my style and even my substance sometimes to be approaches they just can’t support. So, I’ll just give you my take on something, and you have the wonderful and necessary freedom to do it as the Lord leads you.

Talking with a school head once about discipling students and leading them in God-honoring growth, I heard a take which threw a little shock and not much awe my way. He said in his school they were fairly flexible with kids as they were younger but then offered a contrast. He said “We don’t stand on their necks until they get about 5th grade or so. Then, we get them acting like Christians.”

“Acting” seems just the perfect descriptor for what I see that approach delivering. It’s not the kids we push to rebellion who are the real long haul victims in that scenario. Instead, it’s the ones who learn how to act and believe that what we want (and maybe even what God wants) is their tidied up appearance in life and looks. They know their hearts are somewhere else, but figure if we cared about that, we wouldn’t be asking them to disguise those hearts.

When I’m talking with older students coming new to our school I talk to them about the book of rules. It goes something like this: “We certainly have some boundaries which we all need to work within. They’re needed for us to ‘do school,’ to learn together in community. But I don’t have a Book of Rules which, if you’ll just do what it says, you’ll make me happy and you’ll be doing everything that’s expected of you.”

“What I hope and pray is that you’ll be growing in following the Holy Spirit’s direction as He leads you in a Christ-like life. You’ll be doing things any rule book I came up with would never know to ask of you. You’ll honor some ‘Thou shalt not’s’ but you’ll mainly be taking the Lord’s leadership about what you should be doing and who you get to be becoming by His guiding and His grace. My Book of Rules would be a sorry substitute for the fullness of God’s created design which He’s growing you up in.”

Certainly, some students sometimes bump up against those necessary boundaries a little more than I’d like. They look a little more ragged than I would prefer. I can engage them; I can confront them to ask if they are taking God’s direction in those choices. I also have to bear some opinions from the outside. I’m caring about the witness of our school and its students, and I know that some of those student choices are being judged pretty harshly by some.

It’s not that this doesn’t matter at all. But when some judge a student’s stumbling toward growth as ‘hurting the weaker brother,’ I wonder how many are taking our growing student’s path as the guide for their lives. If what we’re praying for is happening, then our students are getting real life lessons in the grace of God’s leadership along with the grace of God’s forgiveness. They are taking deeply to heart the Way of following Jesus as sinners, as learners, as children who are getting glimpses of how much stumbling my growth really includes. Gloriously, they get with that a glimpse of the depth and breadth of His grace for every step along the way. That’s what they’re experiencing, and that’s what others who watch them with a clear eye are seeing.

The bare knuckles reality is that my pride is smarting when I think of critical hearts judging our school and our students and – no honesty about it if I don’t include it – judging me and my leadership. The student bumping the boundaries is risking the oh so shallow parts of my reputation.

Some leaders make the public communication on this seem to be about the school’s reputation, and even the Lord’s reputation. I am jealous for His Glory! But I know His Glory is most resplendent in the true grace of His gospel. As I set a light on a hill about the self-giving grace of our Lord present in the lives of our students and in my own life, that’s when His Name is given its proper honor and praise.

There is certainly another dimension here. I have shepherding responsibility for my stumbling student. I love him purely when I don’t avoid the consequences which some of his choices bring. If there were no consequences for sin, there would be no occasion for grace. And I have shepherding care for all my students as well. If one is truly confusing and confounding the clarity and growth of many fellow students, then I must act more decisively. He has no right to take that from them.

Simplifying what in practice does take discernment and lots of learning through experience, we have a choice to glorify the Book of Rules or bring glory to God. That’s even more personally true for a parent than a principal. And by His grace, there is found encouragement and freedom for a parent.